The Book of Common Prayer
invites the clergy to “instruct the people, from time to time, about the duty
of Christian parents to make prudent provisions for the well-being of their
families, and of all persons to make wills, while they are in health, arranging
for the disposal of their temporal goods, not neglecting, if they are able, to
leave bequests for religious and charitable uses” (445). Advanced care planning
is another element of that prudence.
This is one of the topics treated by the Older Adult
Ministry Development Team in their workshop which I attended on Faith and Aging
at this year’s Summer Ministry School and Retreat in Grinnell. They have posted
an extensive collection of resources on the newly revamped “Iowa Share” website
(IowaShare.org).
When did you last engage in conversation as a congregation
on choices around death? How many of us with adult children have sat them down
and talked over our wishes if we should face a difficult death? Do those
closest to us, including our clergy, know our preferences for our own funerals?
I once sat down with my own father and said that with someone in his condition,
if he was my parishioner, I would be beginning such a conversation. He took my
awkward opening in stride and started out with what he didn’t want – a viewing.
“I don’t look good at the best of times,” he added! Then we moved on to brass
bands playing, and if possible my leading things. “If you are not up to it, I
won’t be mad,” he offered.
The aspects of considering issues of death and dying involve
discerning what is of value to us. What speaks to us of living well? We need to
work hard to define what living well means to each of us, and to make decisions
about our care that express that definition.
Stacey Gerhart, a long-time hospital chaplain, explained
that she had never met a person on their death bed who did not know that they
were dying. The issue tended to be avoided by those around them. Having such a hard conversation ahead of time
can be a pastoral gift to relatives and neighbors alike. It is a vital (living)
part of the Church’s mission, appropriate for those who state their belief in
the One who says “I am the Resurrection and the Life.”
In general, conversations can be started when a person is in
the hospital as you invite them to reflect on how life is going. We can be bold
enough to share our thoughts with a friend in regular conversation, and ask
them “what about you?” Sometimes it is easier when doing something with a
person side by side–jogging or driving or working together–and not looking at
one another.
We should be grateful for the group of people who, in
forming the Older Adult Ministry Development Team, are bold and open to entering
into such conversation and inquiry. The presenters at Summer Ministry School
and Retreat–Warren Frelund, Diane Eddy, Stacey Gerhart, Judith Crossett, Kelly
Shields, Lori Erikson and Bob Sessions–are all eager to help us develop our
ministries with seniors. For many of our congregations, seniors are a large
percentage of the membership. Seniors fall into three categories: young seniors
(65-75), middle-aged seniors (75-85) and older seniors (85+). Each category
brings its own vocational and spiritual development needs. Along with the focus
on death and dying, the group explored ministry opportunities in retirement;
the evangelistic challenge of boomers examining their lives and reflecting
deeper about them; seizing the opportunity to see church as coordinating
centers of concerns among the community; and seeing Senior Centers as
components of the Church.
Finally, I found the concept of “eldering” very powerful. Eldering
needs a community to flourish while at the same time elders help a community
flourish. Together we spoke of elders as people who are growing in spiritual
maturity, people who do their spiritual homework and move beyond their egos.
They are people who build up larger identities to carry the concerns of the
community and to offer service. They are people in mission with Christ through
each and all. (Where have I seen that phrase before?)
In the peace and love of Christ,
+Alan
The Rt. Rev. Alan Scarfe
Bishop of Iowa
